pushing away

how many thoughts start just like this:
how many times will i do
something stupid
like this
how long before i die
how many times will i lie and say:
all is fine
i know i know i know i know i know if i
don't now
I never will

"HEY! do you wanna play?"

with me?
i'm the kind that's quick to slip away
even though i'd like to
i fight the urge and i
will never stay
there's a secret place
safely tucked away within
quiet and enticing
i could invite
but i.. i
dont think i want to
dont  think i want you

dont look
too close
i'm not all here
fading intwo
fading in too
into I
know i know i know i know i know
if i don't now
I never will


leave, here

if i could
stop
have a minute
pause everything
and anything
that i could ever want
i could stop
have minute or two
think over possibility
and not miss...
the world(./'s) been
slyly
passing  me by

and on the 7th day...

how quickly we get over trivial things:

-a sucker-punch to the stomach
-   sharp intake of breath i could not spare
-a single drop
-a stare,
-   blank
-a blink back

 black.

i know this:                                                   I wants to be

swept of their feet, 

I wants a kiss 

                                                                    that could send 

                                                             their heart reeling

T T Y Y T Y

the cycle
the downward spiral
you like falling, don't you?
you're addicted to
the only thing
you're good at handling

waste of ____?

She questions ____.
                      (time)
"Am I nothing but the opening and closing of doors?
A rug repeatedly walked upon, a slate wiped
clean of ____."

She questions (memory)
"I can not regret
past mistakes
nor can I ever apologize
instead I try to recognize ____."

She questions (truth)
"I've got lessons to learn
and questions kneading
to be answered
it is
time."

but still, she questions.

why not change?

this is the joy of being.
the beautiful question is why
and it will always be unanswered
draw comfort from this consistency.

oh no another title

I've been trying to replace
 the idea
of You
with
Others' empty hands.
at all or nothing, We were a choice.

I can feel It growing inside of me
the consequence(.,)

I'm not quite sure
(if)  i should

regretisawasteofmytimeRIGHT


instead,
i wonder

if 

i do not want my world
to end
at this lake's shore
so close
i  must want
the ocean