to be

apart. 
to be 
a part 
of. 
avoid. 
to be. 
a void. 
a space.
between. 
u&s. 
us.

by the time

it took for you one
i had t(w)o
go.

Shyness

 is a kink in the soul, a special category, a dimension that opens out into solitude.  Moreover, it is an inherent suffering, as if we had two epidermises and the one underneath rebelled and shrank back from life.  Of the things that make up a man, this quality, this damaging thing, is a part of the alloy that lays the foundation, in the long run, for the perpetuity of the self.

                       

--Pablo Neruda, Memoirs

"In my dreams, I was. I was drifting away.  Away from what? Here. And, all that I am, and all that I have. See, it's No Thing. No Thing at all.  An... Idea. ... with Standards too tall.. .and when I reach up.. .. I graze. 

Rock.

andthenirockedbackandforthjustlikeababy.shallwerockbackandforthjustlikeababy?yescanwerockbackandforthjustlikeababy.justlikeababyjustlikeababy. 

Just Like A Baby.

I've lost the urge t(o)o

defend, mend 

this bread

must be eaten

the dogs are hungry and if we do not

they will

and One

can not  live with that

regret

danced away love danced away hope danced away..." 

Wake up   (snapping of fingers. a man sits. in a chair. wooden arm rests, legs.  green vinyl.)

How did I let This get so far? Am I just a pawn? For You I faded  int(w)o the back on the promise that I just  might make it. And when the answer Was no, I was forced to do this. And then you say, don't you trust me? No, no I don't.   But Who is One, Who is I, Who is You, Who is Me, Who is. Who is


We 
are all fucked, fucking and falling for
same sad songs
real eyes peering, kneading, molding a heart int(w)o
a perfect plaything
knot-being.


and those tears
mask
irresponsibility
a funny game
the femme fatale plays

but then she smiles


when You're angry, and her grin 
is the barring of  goddamned teeth.

action easily mis taken:

on the quest to find another like-minded,

we were t(w)oo 

eager 

and every interaction 

turned 

int(w)o 

some thing more than.

something. some thing.

on, still.

suddenly, I was overcome with incredible... fear. how does one... how does one NOT completely retreat
inside themselves?

The trick is to do everything, Everything, with complete  absoluteness. You must believe that every step You take, every word You speak, every day is Correct.
if You do that, even when You are making mistakes people will think You're just different and cool, and will carry on as normal. Actually, they'll probably just become a little self-conscious.

and is that the start? becoming: self-conscious?

is that the start?
becoming aware of self?