on, still.

suddenly, I was overcome with incredible... fear. how does one... how does one NOT completely retreat
inside themselves?

The trick is to do everything, Everything, with complete  absoluteness. You must believe that every step You take, every word You speak, every day is Correct.
if You do that, even when You are making mistakes people will think You're just different and cool, and will carry on as normal. Actually, they'll probably just become a little self-conscious.

and is that the start? becoming: self-conscious?

is that the start?
becoming aware of self?